I wanna kick ass for a living

Here I am again, writing about something, hopefully. Every morning for a few months now I've been waking up with the same lurking feeling that keeps me in bed, "what is it all worth?" I find myself justifying my laziness and my affair with sleeping in and staying up late. Why is the first thing I do when I get out of my slumber, my deep beautiful dreams, is go on facebook? I'm choosing to torture myself by doing this, yet I do it every morning.
Here is where I see my dreams buried in the hands of other lives. She's happily married with a cute ass baby, he is playing shows all over the u.s. and just popped in the let me know and "p.s. fuck you". She is catching a flight to New York for a photo shoot of this years "favorite 30 under 30". Oh and great! Pictures of your new art show, what a beautiful gallery.
Of course I am more supportive than this and at least press "like" when I men to say "jealous" and I'll in the very least comment back with a "fuck you" to the flashy, in your face updates. But I can't deny that all of this sudden information quickly blows my reality out of the water just as I'm trying to come back to it.
Then I sit here. What the hell do I have to say about my life that would compare to anything that these people are doing, my life is like an instagram of last night's dinner in your feed compared to the people you must know. Yes, I see the loads of comments you get as well, "way to go, you kick ass" "your my hero" "you rule", and I'm impressed, not one from a family member. I guess this is where I should thank my step-mom for liking my little progress in life-Thanks, Soizic!
I write one thing, delete it immediatly because I don't want to come off as too negative. I write something else, and of course delete it because it sounds so fucking fake. I try one more time and delete it because, who the fuck wants to hear from me?
I have a phone for 2 reasons, Solitare and so that my boyfriend can let me know when he's coming home late from work, which is practically every night since he's the manager. So with me saying this-why do i include checking my phone in my morning routines? Well, seems useless enough, sure I'll do that.
I need to cut these things out because I am destroying my own dreams in the process. I'm already giving myself a heap of doubt, as it is, somewhere I think "these people must have been handed this opportunity" but of course we all know that's not true, and if you think it is ...well no, most of them worked for it and didn't chose to let those that they aspire to be similar to in success bring them down. Instead they're all, hey I wanna take pictures for a living and kick ass, so she does so. He's like "I can play any instrument you put in front of me, sure I'll go on tour with you" and well, the girl with the handsome husband and beautiful baby girl are just fucking lucky lol.
So today I'm changing the things I don't like about myself. First of all, I just made a new friend, you, and instead of gloating and writing my own sob story I'm actually going to work on that sob story script of mine and get all of this shit out of me. This is the day I say "I wanna make movies for a living and kick ass, try and stop me" -fuck why did I check facebook again? Just kidding!
My life won't change in a day, especially if I do nothing with every single one. Wish me luck! Oh and in me trying to "better" myself I'm going to try to scratch facebook from my morning routine and instead add blogging to either morning or night routine. Gotta get into it to see which works better for me.
Thanks guys,
Elektra