I've spend the past few years of school sitting in a corner during lectures scribbling not-so-sweet nothings into my notebook. Just my never ending list of complains for the day. But lately I have been trying to be a little bit more open. I mean working on movies with groups, you kind of have to or else you will be walked all over and ignored. At the beginning of the semester I was assigned a group with three other boys and one girl. I was kind of nervous because of the stupid girl rivalry I have been vibeing from other ladies in the class. I wasn't sure if this would be another case of it.
We made our way to the hall to rehearse and in our first run through we were joking around and really feeding off of each other. Everything went great. I was so excited I came home and rambled on about her Canadian accent and all of the stupid little things we had in common. Of course, I was too nervous to make any real effort to hang out outside of class. I have been going through a rejection period and wasn't amped on adding another one to the list. Thank god I never had to. She asked me one day if I wanted to hang out, do something. I thought she was trying to be nice, so I told her I might hit her up. But when I got to the bus stop I wondered why I didn't just invite her over then. So i texted her, she came over that night and didn't leave until about 4 am.
This is where my tale begins, a tale with no ending...for now.
Now that I have been spending time with Molly pretty much everyday either on film shoots or just getting wasted and she makes fun of my shwag weed, I haven't been focusing on my lack of friends outside from her. Something that used to bother me anytime I was vacant for thought. I would think about the things that upset me, think about how I felt like I had no one to talk to about them, wonder why I didn't have anyone to talk to, question myself..you know the cycle. It sucks to truly be alone with your thoughts thrown to you through a 4x6 inch metal door providing blank wandering eyes and a tap on the shoulder.
When I'm with her though, I'm alright with saying pretty much anything that is on my mind, whereas most other people I hide every reality of myself. I feel like Daria when she first moves to Lawndale and is immediately adopted by Jane. Not to mention if some of my other friend's personalities were to be blown up and exaggerated they could be hideously similar to Bevis and Butthead. In the best way possible.
I have been this monotone, cynical wit bitch that's needed someone to say "Come on, that's too depressing. How about we call it, "Beauty is only Skin Deep," and we attach the actual skin of a student? " This Ghost World like friendship is what I have always loved an treasured about girls and friendship. I don't have the feeling that when I leave everyone will start talking about me, mostly because there is no one else to talk to and, why would your friend want to do that anyway? I don't ever feel like she wants to me leave already because every time I try she finds a reason for me to stay. And I am never nervous about texting her and the possibilities of it not being returned because she has always responded to me.
These all may seem like petty things to any one person, but for me it is hard to keep up with the many lives of every person. I love having a person know me, and most of all really getting to know someone else. One person, one ever long journal shared with someone else. Much different than a romantic relationship, but very similar.
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| Heavenly Creatures |
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| Jucy |
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| Now and Then |
I just wanted to do a little update on what feels like a new leg of my life, so from now on I won't have to introduce this "person I'm always with"
Let the obsession begin!
